Beer Consumption
The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol
bottles, such as:
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like
an asshole.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same
boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH
YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like
thish.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the
morning.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell happened to your pants.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name
you can't remember).
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy
named Thor.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an disruption in the
space-time continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of
time may seem to "disappear."
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.